dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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