i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
