I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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