I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
