i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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