Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
