I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
