I've blown a few things in my day
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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