also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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