Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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