Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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