Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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