Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
