Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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