Got a toothbrush?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
