Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
