I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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