Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
