at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
