I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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