Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
