i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
