I am in a vortex of obligation.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
