So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
