Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
