You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
