Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
