Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
God I need to hump something, right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
