How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
