im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
