does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
