he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
