No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
