My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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