I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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