i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize