my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
