his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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