hotel room ftw
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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