i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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