I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Actions speak louder than pants.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
