I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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