sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
