Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
