I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
