I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
