you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
