You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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