all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
