I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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