Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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