Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
