I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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